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Empty Side Of The Bed

When I first realized that he(My Ex) wasn't coming back it was the hardest thing to get over because I was sleeping in the same bed with him for two years. I would  wake up in the middle of the night and hung my pillow because I missed him next to me. I would be good in public and at work but at night I would wake up, hold my pillows and cry. It was very hard for me I must admit and I put on this front like I was ok but that empty side of the bed was killing me.

I have really vivid dreams and nightmares so when I would have those bad dreams I would wake up and snuggle next to him. I would feel so much better because I felt a since of protection. When I would have those bad dreams I would wake up and no one would be there and I didn't feel safe. I'm kinda of a scary cat..lol.. So I started to buy lots of pillows for the bed because it made me feel like I was protected..I psyched myself up!! It actually worked...but the moral of this story is that I realized that it is ok to wake up to that empty side of the bed.

I would rather wake up to my pillows then someone who doesn't care about me or love me. I am not afraid of being alone. I realized that it's ok to be alone and there is nothing wrong with that. I have come to the conclusion that I am more connected to myself and I'm learning who I am. I can't be happy in a relationship if I am not happy with myself. I can't give myself to anybody fully because I don't understand myself fully. I know that some women don't like the idea of being alone...but why settle for someone who is more like a crash dummy than someone who actually loves you. When you know he is just there for the ride and not for you!

I rather wake up to the empty side of the bed then to someone's empty promises. I want real love and that's starts with me. I have learned so much about myself because that empty side of the bed just means more room for me!!!


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Comments

  1. Kaycee LoveNovember 21, 2012 at 3:00 AM

    I agree with EVERYTHING you said. I was single for 5 years and my saying is "You can't do HIM right, until you learn to do YOU right."

    Self love and self awareness are the most important factors in being successful in anything.

    Don't settle for a piece of man, just to have a body in bed. Sometimes that pillow is warmer than that body...IJS.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousNovember 21, 2012 at 6:27 AM

    I happy for U, my love. U have a real understanding of your worth, and never let anyone in your heart or bed that hasn't earned the right to be there.

    Love U, Biffy Baby

    ReplyDelete

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