He just showed up with his neatly trimmed beard and his long dreads with a look of sorrow on his face. I couldn't believe it! "How did he get here?" Is what I'm thinking to myself. Telling me how sorry he was for leaving the way that he did. I knew right then that I was dreaming or was it a nightmare. He wouldn't have the balls to tell me that to my face in real life. After I woke up from that dream I knew immediately that my day was going bad because it was the feeling of being mistreated that came over me.
It finally got to me because I never really cried about it even though it's been two years since this happens. How could I be still affected by his mere presence in a dream? All I was thinking about was him looking me in my eye and telling me that he wouldn't hurt me and that he loved me. It just pierced me and then all the pain started to come out. I cried like I never have before and that was the part that really hurt me.
Knowing that I was a good person towards him and I didn't get that return. I know it's been a long time but like I said I never really dealt with the feelings towards it. I just put it on the back burner and expected it to burn out on its own. It didn't do that it got real hot and exploded back on me. It affected me and I thought I was in the clear. It's the reason why I am numb and I can't feel for someone like I once did before.
I don't want this to cause me to become the bitter woman and never trust anybody. I know a few women like that and it's not pretty. I don't want to be label as such. At the same time I don't to accept anything that comes my way but I don't want to have a nose so far up that I miss out on a good person. I realized that putting things on the back burner is not good. I realize that I can't dwell on what he did because he has to deal with that not me.