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Back Burner

  He just showed up with his neatly trimmed beard and his long dreads with a look of sorrow on his face. I couldn't believe it! "How did he get here?" Is what I'm thinking to myself. Telling me how sorry he was for leaving the way that he did. I knew right then that I was dreaming or was it a nightmare. He wouldn't have the balls to tell me that to my face in real life. After I woke up from that dream I knew immediately that my day was going bad because it was the feeling of being mistreated that came over me.    It finally got to me because I never really cried about it even though it's been two years since this happens. How could I be still affected by his mere presence in a dream? All I was thinking about was him looking me in my eye and telling me that he wouldn't hurt me and that he loved me. It just pierced me and then all the pain started to come out. I cried like I never have before and that was the part that really hurt me.    Knowing

Tainted Image Of Mr.Perfect

I was lost when it came to knowing what I wanted vs what I needed when it came  to a man. As much as I sit and daydream about Mr. Perfect I wondered was I under the influence of society image of him. I know I have my preferences but what if my Mr. Perfect doesn't fall within my preferences. How can I decipher whether or not I'm going off of what society says is a perfect man. When I was your I had my own ideology when it came to men and relationships.  For example.. I believed that the man should be taller, older and just bigger all the way around.. I mean that's just physical and circumstantial conditions that had to be met for me at that time..I think I was definitely affected by society when it came to that. So I changed that outlook because that was very silly to me. I'm only gonna date guys older and taller but the tallness really didn't matter lol.. I had a checklist and if he didn't hit a least 4 of the things on my list he was outed!! I was very simp


For some strange reason lately I have been feeling that I no longer will that warm gushy feeling of being in love again. I noticed that right about now I have a very low tolerance for men right now...I am not saying that I'm going to the other side..never that!!! I just feel that I'm on chill right now when it comes to love. I don't know whether I am expecting that feeling when I first fell in love with someone or what but it's not happening. Maybe I am still hung up on the fact that I am doing something wrong. I guess I want that organic flush of feelings and it never seems to happen. I tend to be attracted to guys and like them for a day and then I'm like nigga stop calling me!! I don't know why I am like that. Another thing is I second guess myself when it comes to guys. This one guy was really handsome and he had a nice body...he was so hot like The Rock hot!! He was telling me how attracted he was to me and how he couldnt' wait to see me. When we went

Juices & Berries

When it comes to drinking I am the type of person who can get a buzz with one drink. I tend to get very "Friendly" and I tend to get a little sexual. So I like to be in a control environment when I do drink more than one drink. Which is my home but I realized that even in a control environment that didn't stop me from being flirtatious and bold.  Contrary to everyone's belief I am very shy and bashful and I am not at all outgoing... Alcohol for some reason gives me a extra boost  of confidence, courage and typically I say what I really feel. That right there gets me in alot of trouble!! lmao I had fixed myself a delicious snack of strawberries, sugar and a little coconut rum. It was so good Lawd!! I ate it kinda fast which is bad because  it would sneak up on me. I'm having this conversation via text with this mind you this guy I have been knowing a little while and we would have funny conversations which was cool I like that because it was fun. This t

Artificial Love!!!

I have been in a situation where I thought I was in love but really it was just lust. This guy that i was involved with was a nice handsome guy and he different from any other guy because it was a physical attraction. I never had a thought of him being my man or anything like that! You know sometimes I imagine... I know this is strange lol....but I usually image what a guy would look like in my wedding image that I have in my head... Lol but I never did that to him... He was sexy and he knew my body like he studied it or something lol... Amazing sex but empty at the same time! No real intimacy was like after all the hormones were released... the moaning ... grabbing... exhaling & shit and you get no emotional response back.. I didn't want that because I knew deep inside he wasn't for me! That took a bit of time for me to understand that because I thought I loved him but until I noticed that I was just another notch in his belt but at the same time I had to thi

The First 15....

Janee' was set up on a date with a mutual friend of ours on a blind date. She asked me if he was cute and what the dimensions were....Lol..I told her that she would find out when she sees him for the first time. I choose not to show her any pics because I wanted it to be a real blind date! Janee' was very nervous so I told her that I would be in Barnes & Noble that was just down the street from the restaurant. To make a long story short...Janee' came back to Barnes & Noble and she said that he was very handsome and he had really good conversation...then she said the "He CAN GET IT!!"...LOL Being a woman myself I know if I meet a new guy I can tell within the first 15 minutes if I like him...If I would go the next date and if I would sleep with him. Mind you the first 5 minutes are physical and the other 10 is his introduction!!  It all about chemistry and vibes for me..but that being said even if I felt that way before he started talking that could cha

Healing A Broken Heart

Having a broken heart is the worst feeling in the world. It affects you psychologically, physically, and emotionally.  I never had a kid before but I believe that heartbreak is worst than giving birth. I mean think about only last for hours and then you are happy at the end because you have a person who loves you unconditionally. Heartbreak should be right next to a getting burned with fire. It's this pain that's deep down in your soul and it kicks your heart over and over again. I hate that feeling especially when you know you were there for that person in ways you haven't for others. It makes you think of all the cruel and mean things you can do to them for hurting you. Trust I have had that feeling where you want to go to his momma house and slap the shit out of her for not swallowing...Sorry I Had A Flashback!!! LOL.. I know it hurts very bad but you have to get over it. That is easier said than done because it can take months to years to get over someone t